Producing

So Greg, my boss, says I would be a wonderful producer. He keeps teasing that I should just stay and work for him. I would be good at producing, it's the kind of job I'm made for, juggling projects, finding the right scripts, helping the writer polish them, finding the best talent, knowing what will sell, sweet-talking investors, making connections. I am not terribly good at friendships, but I am very good at small talk, at making people feel welcome and of interest. I know good work when I see it. True, I can be too blunt and I would need to learn better who I can be honest with and when I should just say the nice thing. I must learn not to discuss the show while still in the theatre.

I am so in love with this city and the work happening. Not all of it is brilliant, a lot of it is painfully old-fashioned, but that just makes me feel challenged. New York terrifies me and I think I would out-grow Minneapolis very quickly. That, or get too comfortable and never stretch myself. In London I could grow, the challenge is here, but not the terror. Of course, I love directing. It's what fills my soul, it's what I think about when my mind wanders... but I may not be good enough. If I am to be a director, I want to be brilliant. If I can't be brilliant, there's no point. I think I could be brilliant at producing, but I have to try for directing brilliance first, or I will regret it my whole life.

Greg is coming to Minneapolis next winter. His friend is acting at the Guthrie. He says that if I have a project going at the time he'll come see it, check out if I'm any good as a director. I can't help but think Talent Scout, which is a little silly. Still, we'll see.